Eulogy for Fi

Yasuko Fiasco Okada October 7 1981 - July 31 2010

I think in the future my thoughts may be divided like this: before the accident, and after. The sheer joy of diving brings so much to our lives, but in the span of a few breaths it can take everything away. Yasuko aka Fiasco aka Fi was my boon companion, a kindred spirit that I could always count on to be up for anything. How many people do you know that you can ask "Hey, let's..." and know that, almost without exception, the answer is going be an enthusiastic Yaaaaayyy! Fi's life was all about telling funny stories, she had a reporter's eye for detail and a Twain-esque appreciation for people in all their flawed grandeur. It's only been days, and I already have a huge stockpile of things I would love to tell her just to hear her laugh. We had plans to travel to Florida, Scotland and Japan together. Lots of plans, really. I'm of an age where I find myself looking at my life with cool appraisal - do I want to be doing this? Is this what I want from my life? Enjoying Fi's company was high on the list of things I was looking forward to for a long long time...

If you had told me when I was younger I could be in this kind of relationship I don't think I would have believed it. Being such close friends with a beautiful woman is, at least in theory, fraught with peril, but you know what? It just wasn't like that. Things never got weird, there was never any tension, no bullshit. It was just a really great friendship.

My head is still reeling. The immediate aftermath was the flurry of activity, trying to help her family out in any way I could, calling friends, keeping busy. Helping box up her apartment on Monday was excruciating, but also somehow necessary. It all seems so surreal, and being there brought it home in a way I really needed, that let me feel the enormity of the loss. I gave this eulogy at the funeral. I hadn't written it down, but I think it's pretty accurate. I was happy with it at the time. I'm a little less happy with it on the page than spoken, but I still want to save it before it's lost in the windstorm that is blowing through my head.

It was my great privilege to call Yasuko my friend.

The first time I met Fi was up at the Lake. She bounced up to me and in her typical forthright way introduced herself. The diving community being a small one, I had already heard of her and she of me, and we quickly found common ground. By the end of that first day I already knew she was somebody really special. As we got to know each other it was a pleasure to find someone whose passions so closely meshed with mine. Diving, food, diving FOR food, art, books, hiking, music - we were always exchanging recipes, swapping books, turning each other onto new ingredients, new restaurants, new bands. We went to dozens of shows together, she's the only girl I knew that I could invite to the Symphony or Motorhead and know I'd get an enthusiastic reaction to both.

One of my passions is biking, and in the past year I had been trying to get Fi into it as well, with interesting results. For her first ride I gave her a primer on riding, and emphasized standing up out of the saddle and using her legs as springs. She did very well, and the first hill we got to she was 100 yards ahead of me...still sitting in the saddle. Seems her feet didn't quite reach the pedals, and in the future we just put her on my daughter Tatiana's bike. Who is 8. The timing for this ride could have been better as the next day she was flying down to Florida for a work conference at a beach hotel. So for those coworkers of hers who are here, I have now revealed the reason she was wearing long skirts the whole week at the beach. She said she was later even asked if she was extremely modest. Oh my how far off-base was that!

A few weeks ago she came out to my house so we could cook, work on some gear, and get some exercise. The time passed by as it so often did, with us sitting on the deck drinking tea and shooting the breeze, until we realized it was 5 o'clock and if we were going to do anything we had better get on it. My proposal was "How about we go for a short bike ride..." - big frown, big head shaking- "...to the ice cream place!" - big happy smile while nodding approval! It was a short ride too - four miles out, three miles back, at which point I walked both of our bikes home while she ambled like a wild west gunslinger, and then sat on an ice pack.

I give you this as background because I would like to read you an email I received from her last Wednesday:

So I go to this video shoot we're doing for work. Apparently the concept is - get on a bike and ride it while telling a corporate story. Normally we just sit at a table and say what is scripted.

There is a bike in front of a green screen.

Shit.

1. It's a red bike. I like it. It has a basket. It is not the sort of bike that gives you ass sores. It is the kind of bike that you wear Capri pants to ride.

2. I am wearing a dress. If I straddle the bike the video will be x rated. Shit.

3. They tell me I can ride side saddle. I see no reason to attempt this as the floor is not padded.

4. We angle the bike so it doesn't turn into an upskirt film. Problem solved!

5. The hot guy lifts me on the bike because my dress is not cooperating.

6. I imagine what it would be like to collapse in his arms. He is hoooooooooot. And gay. Dammit.

7. Somebody holds a fan in my face to make it look like my hair is moving as I pedal. I would like this to happen when I am riding a bike so that the mosquitos don't swarm around me when I am pedaling too slowly. Barb says this happens to her, too, so I am not alone.

8. I am supposed to pedal but my feet do not reach the pedals. The seat is all the way down. Now what?

9. I pedal with my toes for two minutes and say something corporate.

10. When the hot gay guy lifts me off the bike I realize my ass is sore. WTF.

In the days since the accident my thoughts have rarely strayed from Yasuko, and when they do they circle right back to her. When I think of diving, when I think of food, when I think of music and all the things that are so important in my life I flash on memories of her. It was with almost a panicky feeling that I asked myself: Is this going to keep happening? When I think of the things that are so central in my life, am I going to keep thinking about her?

And then I thought: Maybe that's not so bad. I think I'd really like that.

I would never have said anything so dopey to you, and you'd have punched me if I did, but I really did love you. Goodbye Fi.




On Saturday 8/7 we went to the Arundo and laid flowers on the water.